“Love isn’t something that just happens to you — it’s something you create.”

Let’s talk about one of the biggest and most seductive patterns that keeps so many singles stuck — the Fairytale Pattern.

This pattern is rooted in a beautiful idea: that love will one day find you.
That your soulmate will appear out of nowhere — maybe in a bookstore, on a flight, or at the exact moment you’ve stopped looking. It’s the fantasy that you don’t need to do anything — that the universe will simply align the stars and deliver “the one.”

It sounds magical. It sounds romantic.
And yet — it’s one of the most powerful illusions that quietly prevents people from creating the love they deeply desire.

Let’s talk about one of the most common patterns that quietly shapes our love lives — the scarcity pattern.

It often starts as a small, anxious thought:

“All the good ones are taken.”
“If I’m too picky, I’ll end up alone.”

Sound familiar?
These thoughts come from a deep fear — the fear that there just aren’t enough good people out there, and that real love is rare.

Why Technology Is Stealing Connection from Couples—and How to Take It Back

“Can you put your phone down for just one dinner?”
It’s a small sentence, but it carries a big truth. For many couples, this one line has become a silent cry for attention, a plea to feel valued over a glowing screen.

Most couples don’t enjoy fighting. In fact, many will go out of their way to avoid it. On the surface, this feels like a wise choice—why stir the pot when you can keep the peace? But here’s the truth: avoiding conflict doesn’t make it disappear. It simply pushes it underground, where it grows until it eventually explodes.

We’ve all been there. Something goes wrong, feelings get hurt, and eventually, someone offers an apology:

"I’m sorry… but you started it."

At first, it sounds like an apology. But when you listen closely, it’s not. What you’re really hearing is blame wrapped in the word “sorry.” Instead of repairing the damage, it keeps the wound open.

"Why am I always the one doing everything?"
This thought shows up in many relationships. It’s the voice of the scorekeeper—the part of us that notices every little imbalance and keeps a running tally in our heads.

I cooked, so they should clean.
I listened, so they should listen back.
I took care of the kids, so they should put them to bed.

It might feel natural to think this way, but here’s the problem: keeping score builds resentment, not connection.

"I don’t need to tell you what I need—you should just know."
It’s a phrase I hear often in my coaching practice. On the surface, it sounds romantic. After all, wouldn’t it feel wonderful if our partner knew exactly what we wanted without us ever saying a word?

But here’s the reality: our partners aren’t mind readers. And expecting them to magically understand what we need almost always sets us up for disappointment.

We don’t fall out of love overnight.
For most couples, drifting apart happens slowly, almost quietly, while no one is paying attention.

We don’t like to admit it—but jealousy shows up in so many relationships.

Maybe your partner is texting someone late at night…
Laughing a little too hard at someone else’s jokes…
Or talking nonstop about a new coworker…

And suddenly, it hits—tight chest, racing thoughts, that sinking feeling in your stomach.

You’re giving.
You’re trying.
And still—it’s not landing.

It’s one of the most frustrating moments in a relationship: you put your heart, time, and energy into showing love, but your partner doesn’t seem to feel it.

When every little thing turns into a war, it’s rarely about the thing itself.
It’s about the emotional pile-up underneath it.

If your love life feels like a cycle of imbalance, disappointment, or emotional exhaustion, you might be caught in one of the most common relationship traps: the Rescue Pattern.

This dynamic can show up in two ways:

• You're the rescuer—drawn to people who are struggling, lost, or in crisis, hoping your support will transform them.

• Or you're the one who wants to be rescued—longing for someone to swoop in, fix things, and finally make you feel safe, seen, or whole.

Both roles are understandable. Both come from human needs.
But neither leads to healthy, fulfilling love.

It’s one of the most frustrating patterns in dating: falling for someone who just can’t—or won’t—fully show up. They might be charming, attentive at first, maybe even say all the right things. But when it comes to real emotional intimacy, they withdraw, deflect, or disappear altogether. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

As a relationship coach, I often work with singles who find themselves caught in this cycle. They ask: Why am I drawn to people who can’t give me what I need? The answer is rarely simple, but the good news is—this pattern can be broken.

Arguments are a normal part of any relationship—but when they follow the same toxic patterns, they quietly erode connection over time. This post reveals how to spot and break those cycles, so you can rebuild trust and grow stronger together.