The Four Dating Strategies Every Single Needs: Scouting, Sorting, Screening & Testing
By Moshe Laniado Peleg, Life & Relationship Coach
Most people date based on chemistry, hope, and habit—and then wonder why they end up in the wrong relationships.
If you're serious about finding a long-term, meaningful partnership, dating needs to become intentional, structured, and aligned with who you are and what you want.
That’s where the Four Dating Strategies come in.
These four steps—Scouting, Sorting, Screening, and Testing—give you a clear roadmap so you can date confidently, avoid emotional setbacks, and recognize compatibility early. Instead of getting swept up in chemistry or wasting months on someone who isn't aligned, you’ll have a practical tool for making grounded, healthy decisions.
Let’s dive in.
1. Scouting – Choose the Right Environments
Finding a long-term partner starts with where you look.
So many singles search for commitment in spaces built for casual connection—hookup apps, bars, clubs, or with people who are emotionally unavailable.
There is nothing wrong with these environments—they just don’t match your goal.
Choose intentional spaces that naturally attract people who want real relationships:
Skill-building groups, workshops, or retreats
Community events, spiritual gatherings, cultural activities
Dating apps geared toward long-term compatibility
Introductions through friends and family
Ask yourself:
“Are the people here likely to share my values and long-term vision?”
Your environment is your first filter.
Scouting helps ensure you're looking for love in the right places.
2. Sorting – Decide Quickly if Someone Is Worth Knowing Better
Sorting happens in the first 5–20 minutes of a call, coffee, or quick interaction.
This is not the time to build a connection.
This is the time to answer one question:
“Should I get to know this person any further?”
Sorting is fast and efficient.
It prevents burnout and stops you from emotionally investing too early.
A short call or mini coffee meetup is enough. Come prepared with 2–3 questions based on your top requirements:
“I’m looking for a serious relationship—what about you?”
“Monogamy is important to me. How do you feel about exclusivity?”
If it’s not a fit, close kindly:
“It was great meeting you. I don’t think we’re the right match, but I wish you the best.”
Sorting saves your time—and protects your heart.
3. Screening – Do Our Lives Actually Align?
If someone passes your initial sort, screening is the next step.
This stage is not about bonding or building emotional intimacy.
It’s about gathering the information you need before getting invested.
Screening usually takes two or three light dates.
You’re looking for:
Shared values
Aligned long-term goals
Emotional availability
Lifestyle compatibility
Any clear dealbreakers
Questions you quietly ask yourself:
Would we want similar lives in five years?
Does this person communicate in a healthy way?
Is what they say consistent with what they do?
If it’s not a match, end it early and respectfully:
“I enjoyed our time, but I can see we’re on different paths.”
Screening ensures you don’t fall for potential—you stay rooted in reality.
4. Testing – How Do They Show Up in Real Life?
Testing begins only when someone meets your early criteria and there is mutual interest.
This is the stage before exclusivity, usually lasting a few months.
Testing is not about fantasy—it's about observation:
How do they handle conflict or stress?
Are they consistent over time?
Do they treat others kindly?
Do their actions match their words?
Do you feel safe, grounded, and yourself around them?
This is where real compatibility emerges.
Testing helps you determine whether this person fits into the real life you want to build—not just the spark in the beginning.
If something essential feels off, your job is to honor it.
Testing prevents premature commitment and guides you toward clarity.
Your Dating Roadmap: Making Empowered Decisions Ahead of Time
Once someone shows genuine potential, it’s important to follow a personal roadmap that answers:
When will I become exclusive?
When will I introduce them to my inner circle (kids, friends, family)?
When does intimacy feel right for me?
When you decide these things before emotions take over, you stay grounded, empowered, and aligned with your values.
Your roadmap ensures that you don’t get swept up by chemistry—you stay anchored to your truth.
Don’t Lower Your Standards—Honor Them
The biggest dating mistake people make is lowering their standards when loneliness, fear, or longing show up.
But your standards are not walls to keep people out.
There are boundaries that protect your vision for love.
You’re not here to settle.
You’re not here to convince someone to become what you need.
You’re here to observe, choose wisely, and move forward with purpose.
About the Author
Moshe Laniado Peleg is a certified life and relationship coach with the Relationship Coaching Institute. He specializes in helping singles seeking lasting relationships and couples who want to overcome challenges and take their relationship to the next level.
To book a free one-on-one consultation, contact him at mishmoshe@gmail.com or visit www.coachmoshe.com.