Silent Expectations in Relationships: Why They Hurt and What to Do Instead
By Moshe Laniado Peleg, Life & Relationship Coach
"I don’t need to tell you what I need—you should just know."
It’s a phrase I hear often in my coaching practice. On the surface, it sounds romantic. After all, wouldn’t it feel wonderful if our partner knew exactly what we wanted without us ever saying a word?
But here’s the reality: our partners aren’t mind readers. And expecting them to magically understand what we need almost always sets us up for disappointment.
The Problem with Silent Expectations
When we hold our needs inside, several things happen:
Our expectations go unmet. If we never voice what we want, chances are our partner won’t deliver.
Resentment builds. Over time, unmet needs turn into frustration, which quietly erodes connection.
We feel unseen. Instead of feeling loved, we may start believing our partner doesn’t care—when in truth, they just didn’t know.
In other words, unspoken expectations create a silent gap between two people.
Why We Stay Silent
Many of us hesitate to ask for what we need because we fear being “too much,” “needy,” or rejected. Some of us grew up in families where needs were minimized or ignored, so speaking up feels uncomfortable.
But here’s the truth: asking is not weakness—it’s clarity.
What to Do Instead
Instead of keeping your needs bottled up, try expressing them clearly. A few examples:
“I’d love your help with dinner tonight.”
“It would mean a lot if you checked in with me today.”
“I need some quiet time when I get home before I can talk.”
These are simple statements, but they open the door for your partner to show up. And when they do, you feel supported, seen, and connected.
Honesty Builds Connection
Asking for what you need isn’t demanding—it’s giving your partner a chance to love you better. Real intimacy is built not on guessing games, but on honesty.
So next time you catch yourself thinking, “They should just know,” pause and ask yourself:
Have I said it out loud?
Because closeness doesn’t come from silent expectations.
It comes from clear communication.
About the Author
Moshe Laniado Peleg is a certified life and relationship coach with the Relationship Coaching Institute. He specializes in helping singles seeking lasting relationships and couples who want to overcome challenges and take their relationship to the next level.
To book a free one-on-one consultation, contact him at mishmoshe@gmail.com or visit www.coachmoshe.com.