Conflict Avoidance: Why “Keeping the Peace” Can Hurt Your Relationship
By Moshe Laniado Peleg, Life & Relationship Coach
Most couples don’t enjoy fighting. In fact, many will go out of their way to avoid it. On the surface, this feels like a wise choice—why stir the pot when you can keep the peace? But here’s the truth: avoiding conflict doesn’t make it disappear. It simply pushes it underground, where it grows until it eventually explodes.
The Hidden Cost of Avoidance
When one or both partners consistently sidestep difficult conversations, a false sense of calm sets in. Resentments simmer, needs go unmet, and misunderstandings pile up. Over time, this erodes trust and intimacy. What once seemed like “keeping the peace” slowly turns into silent disconnection.
Healthy Couples Don’t Avoid Conflict—They Handle It Differently
The difference between couples who grow stronger and those who drift apart isn’t the absence of conflict—it’s how they handle it. Strong couples know that disagreements are normal, even necessary. What matters is fighting fair:
No name-calling or insults
No shutting down or giving the silent treatment
No sweeping generalizations like “you always” or “you never”
Instead, they focus on the issue at hand, approaching it with curiosity rather than blame.
Us vs. the Problem
A powerful mindset shift is to stop seeing conflict as me versus you and start seeing it as both of us versus the problem. This perspective allows couples to work together as a team, tackling challenges collaboratively rather than defensively.
How Conflict Builds Trust
When handled with care, conflict actually strengthens a relationship. Each time you and your partner face a tough moment and come through it respectfully, you prove to each other that your bond can withstand challenges. Over time, this builds a deep reservoir of trust and security.
A Practical Takeaway
Next time tension arises, resist the urge to avoid it. Pause, take a breath, and remind yourself: this is an opportunity to grow closer, not further apart. Approach your partner with respect, listen as much as you speak, and remember—it’s not about winning, it’s about understanding.
Closing Thought: Conflict is not the enemy. Avoidance is. When you and your partner learn to handle disagreements with care, you create not only resolution but also a stronger, more trusting connection.
About the Author
Moshe Laniado Peleg is a certified life and relationship coach with the Relationship Coaching Institute. He specializes in helping singles seeking lasting relationships and couples who want to overcome challenges and take their relationship to the next level.
To book a free one-on-one consultation, contact him at mishmoshe@gmail.com or visit www.coachmoshe.com.