Requirements, Needs, and Wants: The Secret to Choosing the Right Partner
By Moshe Laniado Peleg, Life & Relationship Coach
When it comes to finding love, clarity is everything.
Most people think dating success comes down to attraction, chemistry, or timing — but lasting love isn’t about luck. It’s about alignment.
Understanding the difference between your requirements, needs, and wants is one of the most powerful tools you can have in your relationship toolkit.
It helps you make conscious choices, avoid painful patterns, and create a relationship that truly fits.
Why This Matters
Many people end up in relationships that feel “almost right.”
They tell themselves things like, “No one’s perfect,” or “Maybe I’m expecting too much.” But the real issue isn’t having high standards — it’s not knowing what your standards are.
Without clarity, it’s easy to get swept away by chemistry or charm and overlook red flags.
With clarity, you date from a place of confidence and self-awareness, and that changes everything.
1. Requirements: Your Non-Negotiables
Requirements are the absolute must-haves — the foundation that determines whether a relationship can succeed long-term.
If a requirement is missing, the relationship will eventually break down, no matter how strong the attraction or how much effort you put in.
Examples of common requirements:
Must want (or not want) children
Must be financially responsible and capable of managing money wisely
Must be legally and emotionally separated from their ex
Must share spiritual or core belief alignment
Must be emotionally available and capable of healthy communication
Must value honesty, trust, and mutual respect
When you compromise on a requirement, you don’t just risk disappointment — you risk building a relationship on unstable ground.
Recognizing and honoring your requirements isn’t about being demanding; it’s about being intentional and self-respecting.
💬 Coaching Insight:
If you catch yourself saying, “It’s not ideal, but maybe it’ll change,” you’re likely trying to negotiate a requirement — and that rarely ends well.
2. Needs: Your Emotional Nutrition
Needs represent what keeps you emotionally satisfied and connected.
They aren’t deal-breakers like requirements, but when ignored for too long, they create emotional distance and resentment.
Examples of needs include:
Feeling appreciated and seen
Regular quality time together
Physical affection and intimacy
Open and consistent communication
Emotional safety — being able to express yourself without fear or judgment
When your needs are consistently unmet, you may start feeling lonely even within a relationship.
Addressing your needs isn’t about being needy — it’s about taking responsibility for your emotional well-being.
🪞 Coaching Reflection:
Ask yourself, “What do I need to feel secure and loved in a relationship?” These answers reveal your emotional roadmap.
3. Wants: Your Preferences and Desires
Wants are the bonuses — the qualities or experiences that add fun, excitement, and personal flavor to your relationship.
They make life together more enjoyable, but they aren’t essential for long-term compatibility.
Examples of wants include:
Shared hobbies or interests
Similar taste in music, food, or lifestyle
Enjoying travel or adventure together
A particular look, style, or sense of humor
It’s easy to focus on wants, especially early in dating when chemistry runs high. But attraction alone can blind us to missing requirements or unmet needs.
The healthiest relationships are those where both partners’ requirements are met, needs are nourished, and wants are celebrated.
The Power of Clarity
When you distinguish between your requirements, needs, and wants, you stop being the chosen and become the chooser.
You shift from reactive dating — led by chemistry and chance — to intentional dating, led by self-awareness and values.
This clarity allows you to:
Save time and emotional energy
Avoid repeating painful patterns
Communicate your expectations clearly
Build a relationship rooted in compatibility, not compromise
How to Get Started
Here’s a simple exercise you can try today:
Reflect: Think about your past relationships. What worked? What didn’t?
List: Create three columns — Requirements, Needs, and Wants.
Refine: Ask yourself, “Would I end the relationship if this were missing?” If yes, it’s a requirement. If no, it’s a need or a want.
Live It: Use your list as your dating compass. It’s not about perfection — it’s about alignment.
🧭 Remember: You can’t attract the right person until you’re clear about who that person is for you.
Final Thoughts
Love isn’t about finding someone perfect. It’s about finding someone compatible — someone whose values, vision, and lifestyle align with yours.
When you understand your requirements, needs, and wants, you stop settling for “almost right” and open yourself to the relationship that’s truly right for you.
About the Author
Moshe Laniado Peleg is a certified life and relationship coach with the Relationship Coaching Institute. He specializes in helping singles seeking lasting relationships and couples who want to overcome challenges and take their relationship to the next level.
To book a free one-on-one consultation, contact him at mishmoshe@gmail.com or visit www.coachmoshe.com.