Jealousy in Relationships: Why It Happens and How to Talk About It

By Moshe Laniado Peleg, Life & Relationship Coach

We don’t like to admit it—but jealousy shows up in so many relationships.

Maybe your partner is texting someone late at night…
Laughing a little too hard at someone else’s jokes…
Or talking nonstop about a new coworker…

And suddenly, it hits—tight chest, racing thoughts, that sinking feeling in your stomach.

The Truth About Jealousy

Here’s the thing: jealousy isn’t always about what your partner did.
Often, it’s about what you’re afraid of.

• Not being enough.

• Being replaced.

• Losing the connection you cherish.

From a psychological perspective, jealousy is an emotion rooted in perceived threat. Your mind interprets certain behaviors—sometimes accurately, sometimes not—as a signal that your bond is in danger. This is why jealousy feels so urgent and physical: your nervous system reacts as though you’re protecting something vital to your survival.

The Conflict We Feel Inside

We want to feel secure in our relationship. But we also don’t want to seem controlling, clingy, or overly sensitive. This tension often leads people to either lash out or shut down—both of which can harm the very connection we’re trying to protect.

The Shift That Changes Everything

Instead of accusing or withdrawing, try leaning into vulnerability:

“Something about this is making me feel insecure. Can we talk about it?”

Why this works:

• It focuses on your feelings, not your partner’s “wrongdoing.”

• It opens the door for curiosity rather than defensiveness.

• It invites your partner into the conversation instead of pushing them away.

This approach signals: I trust you enough to share my fear—and I want us to work through it together.

Jealousy Is Not Weakness

Feeling jealous doesn’t mean you’re broken or immature—it means you care about the relationship. The problem isn’t the feeling itself; it’s what happens when you hide it, suppress it, or express it through blame and control.

Healthy couples treat jealousy as a signal to connect, not as a reason to fight. When handled with openness and empathy, it can lead to deeper understanding, stronger trust, and a more secure bond.

Because sometimes, the bravest thing you can say is:
“This is hard for me. Can we talk about it?”

About the Author
Moshe Laniado Peleg is a certified life and relationship coach with the Relationship Coaching Institute. He specializes in helping singles seeking lasting relationships and couples who want to overcome challenges and take their relationship to the next level.

To book a free one-on-one consultation, contact him at mishmoshe@gmail.com or visit www.coachmoshe.com.