Why Your Partner Might Not Feel Loved (Even When You’re Trying)
By Moshe Laniado Peleg, Life & Relationship Coach
You’re giving.
You’re trying.
And still—it’s not landing.
It’s one of the most frustrating moments in a relationship: you put your heart, time, and energy into showing love, but your partner doesn’t seem to feel it.
You might start questioning yourself:
Am I not doing enough?
Are they just ungrateful?
Is something wrong with us?
Often, the real issue is much simpler—and far less personal—than it feels in the moment.
The Psychology Behind the Missed Connection
Most of us instinctively show love in the way we most like to receive it. Psychologists call this projection—assuming other people’s needs and feelings mirror our own. If gifts make you feel cherished, you’ll probably use gifts to express love. If quality time fills your emotional tank, you’ll naturally want to spend more time together.
The problem? Your partner may be wired completely differently. Their nervous system, emotional history, and core needs may respond to love in a different “language.”
For example:
You might express love with thoughtful surprises.
They might feel most loved when you speak words of affirmation.
You might give practical help.
They might crave emotional safety and deep listening.
Why This Matters
When love is “mistranslated,” it doesn’t matter how much effort you put in—it won’t register on your partner’s emotional radar. Over time, this can create feelings of neglect, even in relationships full of love.
It’s not that you don’t care for each other. It’s that you’re sending love in a form they can’t fully receive. And when those emotional needs stay unmet, resentment can quietly build.
The Question That Changes Everything
Want to bridge the gap? Ask this simple but powerful question:
“What makes you feel truly seen and loved by me?”
This isn’t just small talk—it’s an emotional roadmap. It invites your partner to share their unique blueprint for connection. It shifts the focus from “I’m doing everything I can” to “I’m doing what actually works for you.”
Love as a Shared Language
Love isn’t just about giving. It’s about giving in a way that’s understood. When you learn your partner’s language—whether it’s touch, time, words, acts, or gifts—you stop playing a guessing game and start building an emotional bridge.
Because at the end of the day, love doesn’t just need to be felt—it needs to be felt by both of you in a way that matters.
About the Author
Moshe Laniado Peleg is a certified life and relationship coach with the Relationship Coaching Institute. He specializes in helping singles seeking lasting relationships and couples who want to overcome challenges and take their relationship to the next level.
To book a free one-on-one consultation, contact him at mishmoshe@gmail.com or visit www.coachmoshe.com.